Confessions of a Heavy Heart
by KHYAOILOVER772
Summary: America is fed up with his life and want to end it but fails. Arthur finally confesses to Alfred how he really feels about him. Warning: Yaoi, attempt sucicid, sex and sadly oocness Y.Y


**Zozo: Hello peoplez XD it has been a while since I last posted anything huh? XD I am so sorry about that, I kind of had to deal with some personal issues and shiz. I have just started my sophomore year of college :D and also trying to find a job T_T that will be fun! :D Not! :T so yah I will attempt to write and update more ._.**

**Chi: Yah right, you'll most likely forget again and months later update… again!**

**Zozo: I said "I will attempt"! *pouts* I haven't had much time typing anything because sadly sharing a room with your mom has its disadvantages, I need to find an excuse to type and write so she won't get suspicious of how twisted I really am. Y.Y**

**Chi: … Point taken *sighs* Yah she hasn't been having the most awesome summer ever so to speak.**

**Zozo: Annnnyyyywwwaaayyyyyyyy~ *changes subject* This fanfiction was a request from a fellow yaoi shipper, a friend of mine that goes by the name of Ada-chin YaoiLoverz from Facebook, she prefers (and so do I) that England (Arthur) tops and America (Alfred) bottoms, so I'm writing this because of three reasons, one is obviously Ada-chan, two is because I have been wanting to a write a fan fiction about these two for a VERY long while now XD and three…. There is just not enough UKUS out there! D: not even in pictures either! So I am doing my part to fill the interwebs with more UKUS for all you UKUS fans to enjoy :D**

**Chi: You're cheerful… And I mean more than usual Hime O.o is there something I should know about?**

**Zozo: …. Cuze I got the Marukaite Chikyuu… **

**Chi: *face palms* I should have known it was something stupid *rolls eyes***

**Zozo: Hetalia is not stupid! It's EPIC! OmO! **

**Chi: *suddenly feels fear* uhh… ok o.o**

**Zozo:Do the disclaimer Hollow.**

Chi: Whatever you say Bitch Hime *rolls eyes* Zozo Does not own Hetalia and its characters, if she did, it would be banned from America because it would be too graphic and pornographic for America to handle.

**Zozo: You got that right! XD What she said XD**

**Chi: Baka Hime *rolls eyes* I'm going back inside you, this is annoying *disappears***

**Zozo: And there she goes~! XD lol Chi is my hollow self if you didn't know, so I'll leave you to read this fine fan fiction, warning! There is going to be yaoi, attempt suicide (don't do It! LIFE IS WORTH LIVING!) And sex! XD so you have been warned! This will be the first time writing a sex scene so don't expect it to be so nosebleed inducing XD Enjoy~!**

**X**

"_AMERICA!"_

"_Hey Iggy…. It's so nice to see you-"_

"_Don't give me that bloody Bullshit America! What makes you think that falling off this Cliff will make everything alright with the world"?_

"_You know the world is better off without me…. No one can ever love someone like me… just a waste of toxic air"_

"_No you are not! You may be annoying and obnoxious but you are also kind and noble, this world needs you! I need you!"_

"_Please, do you even remember when is the last time you ever called me by my actual name Arthur? When have you ever stopped calling me America when we where alone! I mean nothing to you! You just used me! Just like everyone else has! I just can't take it!"_

"_NO! ALFRED!" _

Darkness…

I fell into a deep abyss…

I hope to never wake up…

I know if I do…

There will only be pain...

And the one thing that hurts me most of all…

Is that Arthur will never love me the way I love him…

"_Alfred…"_

Who is there?

"_Alfred… please… wake up."_

Iggy?

"_Alfred… you idiot… don't die on me… I love you…"_

He… loves me?

"_Please Alfred…. I can't lose you…"_

Alfred slowly opens his eyes, squinting them as they adjust to the bright lighting in the room, he vision blurred due to the lack of Texas on his face, he let his eyes linger and seeing a slightly blurred certain British, green eyed blond asleep on the side of his bed. His hands grabbing his right hand on the bed and from the looks of him, it looked like Arthur hadn't been sleeping for days at a time. Alfred then, without even realizing, starts to cry, feeling overwhelmed on what he is feeling. Of course he loves Arthur with all his heart and soul, but it hurt him so bad that when he was still a colony, as he got older, he was being used than loved. There was also the dream, he did not know what to make of it either, he had so hoped it was real, but what if it was all a lie? He then wanted to kill himself again. Arthur felt a light shake the Alfred's hand over his and slowly woke up only to see a crying Alfred in front of him. His eyes widen as he got up and hugged him for some comfort. "Alfred, what's wrong lad"? his piercing green eyes stare into Alfred's sky blues with great worry and concern, He blushed when he saw his eyes linking with his, and he felt knots and butterflies in his belly, he wanted it to stop. "N-nothing Arthur, it's nothing!" now Arthur was every concerned, Alfred had not called him by his dreaded (though he secretly liked it) nickname he had used ever since he had found him along with France and Finland on the North American fields. "Alfred… Please tell me…" oh no, Alfred thought, the look he was giving him was just too much, the messy bed hair, those caring, tender green eyes, that pout, he longed for Arthur to kiss him with those lips, and lets not forget the body, that one time when after the world meeting ended, Francis had invited everyone to the beach, and somehow  
while in the water Arthur had lost his shorts and did not notice until he was on shore. Alfred's face had lighten up as red as a Christmas light seeing Arthur's in full blown glory, of course when he realized he was nude he went straight into the dressing room and chased France all over the beach shore. To think despite his height, he had some hidden assets to him as well, he also remembered the wet dream he had of him that night of Arthur fucking his brains out, and the next day, he couldn't even face him knowing he will never see him the same way, ever again.

Arthur sighed, taking the his silence as a sign of "not talking" he closed his eyes for a few moments and reopened them once more to face him again. "Why did you jump Alfred"? God that voice, Alfred had always known, if everything else did not kill him, then Arthur sure will. He remains silent, not wanting to answer his question, because he knew very will the answer to that question.

Arthur gets a little annoyed by the silence and keeps questioning him. "Did you even think of the feelings of others? Matthew? Kiku? Francis? Me? Did I even matter to you, you selfish git!" He punches the wall, bruising it with cracks and a dented hole, right over Alfred's head. His eyes widen at Arthur's action, tears freefalling from his soft yet transparent face.

Arthur's anger vanishes as his hand gently wipes away his tears, as he gets closer. "Why is it so hard for you to understand Alfred"? He voice deepens as he says his words. "That world cannot function without you, not even me love." His lips lightly press Alfred's plumped ones, the minute those lips touch, it felt like fire, burning them both with love and passion. Alfred's eyes went wide, not believing what is happening before him. -A dream, it must be a dream- he thought as he let his eyes close themselves, letting himself get lost in moment, even if it was just a dream, a dream that felt all too real to be one. He felt Arthur slip his tongue in his mouth, he fought hard for dominance only to fail and give the victor entry into his warm mouth. Arthur more than gladly took this opportunity to explore Alfred's mouth, taking in his warmth and wetness, how he ever lived without ever knowing how his mouth would taste he would never know. Alfred's mouth tasted nothing like hamburgers and fries, it was minted but also sweet, like fruit, he felt like he was taking a very gracious bite of the forbidden fruit, and its name was Alfred. Both of them kept kissing until they parted to breath.

Alfred felt his chin being held gently by Arthur's fingers as he lifts his head up to let his blue eyes meet his green ones once more. "Why haven't you realized that I am willing to do anything for you, because I love you, you bloody git." He gives him a smile, the kind of smile that would only be pulled of by a former pirate. Alfred is in full shock, this is real, it wasn't one of his dreams that he always longed that would come true, and it has. Tears once again fall from his face but not from sadness, but joy, the joy of that his dream came true, he begins to laugh, not believing the reality of the situation. Arthur lens over to give him a loving and longing hug. "It's ok Alfred, everything is going to be ok." He pulls back a little and leans over to give Alfred a kiss on the forehead. "I will never leave your side, you're always going around saving people that don't want to be save, now its my turn, let me save you…" he gives him a kiss on the lips as he leans to his ear. "Let me be your Hero Alfred." And kisses him once more, it was a never ending symphony of love and kisses until they part again for air.

"Iggy I… I love you… I always have." His voice is a bite shaken but still sturdy. "I love you so much…" tears are still falling from his face. "I love you so much that… that if you didn't… return my feelings… I would give up living," he grips Arthur's plaid vest as he confesses his emotions. "Everyone hates me Iggy, for who I am… so why not you"? He looks up at him with pleading blue eyes, wanting an answer. Arthur sighs and gives him a gentle smile looking at him with his grassy green eyes, leaning close to his face. "I love you because you are you Alfred, you may be annoying, obnoxious and disrespectful at times but you are kind, loving and good hearted, and it took me all these centuries to just realize how much you mean to me and how much it hurt me not to have you by my side." He grips his hand a little as he says his words. "That day when you left me, I didn't know what to do with myself then, I didn't know how I felt about you or why you leaving hurt more than it should." He then leans to rest on Alfred's side. "it wasn't until many years later of evaluating that I realized that I have fallen for you without even realizing it." Though Alfred could not see it, he felt Arthur smile sadly on over his shoulder. "I still remain in love you, and will stay in love with you till death parts me." Let pulls away to meet with Alfred's eyes. As soon as their eyes were locked into their own, Alfred felt something heavy being lifted from his heart, looking into the Brits eyes made him feel calm, knowing what Arthur had said was true. His hands intertwine with Alfred's; he gently presses his forehead against Alfred's. Everything was going to be alright.

Thirty minutes later the hospital room was filled with nations that actually cared about the American nations well being. His twin brother of course rushed to his side and cried in hysteria over how he could ever think of leaving him alone in the world without him while hugging him almost to the point of death. Kiku hit him with an untitled manga (1) on the head and scolded him about trying to kill himself without caring of others, and then gave a small smile and telling him that he was glad he was alive and well. Yao had scolded him about trying to kill himself to avoid paying him back, only to break out a genuine smile on his face and also expressing his feelings that he is glad he is alive. Francis of course like Matthew cried and attempted to "hug" him to show his affections only to be stopped by Ivan and his bloody pipe, which surprised everyone but were assured that now was not the time to fight and that he had to heal so he may become one with him, to which Alfred responded "Hell No!" and gave everyone a laugh, and more nations came by to visit and give their consonances, some where kind, sweet and caring, while others where a bit forced.

As soon as everyone left, there was only Arthur and Alfred, alone in the hospital room. The doctor had come in to inform them that Alfred can leave whenever he feels up to it. "Let me take you to my Home, you can recover there if you like." He just nods as he watches Arthur sign the release papers and leaves to get a wheel chair. Alfred being the Hero that he was, tried to get himself up and succeeded without much trouble but as he started to stand, that is where it got difficult. He struggled to keep his balance as he took his first step but soon fell, letting his whole body meet the cold hard hospital floor. He lift his upper body and scooted over to the bed with his arms, he tried to lift himself upward up struggled to do so. All while that was happening Arthur had just returned to the room with a wheel chair, only to see a struggling Alfred, trying to get up again. He rushes to his side, having one arm on his back and the other holding his hand, helping him sit back on the bed. "Git, you could have waited?" he looked over at him.

"No, not really." He gave him a small grin, reserving a kiss on the forehead by Arthur. "What am I going to do with you." He smiles back as he pulls in the wheel chair and helps him sit it.

They soon left the hospital, Arthur of course driving him back to his home, the home where he used to call home as well. He had wondered what will happen between them now. Are they now lovers? No, they have not had sex yet to no. Maybe boyfriends, that did sound nice, but he still was not sure of what Arthur thought about this new development yet. They both were silent as they reach the slightly rocky road he knew too well, the trees that never seen to change its shape, leading the way to Arthur's home… His old home. The car finally stopped, in front of the house. Arthur got out of the car first to open the passenger door to help Alfred get out and lead him in the house. When they were inside, Alfred let his eyes wonder around, he had only been here a couple of times since the revolution. It looked the same, with only a few modern touches but other than that, the house still looked the same as it did before. He feels a pair of eyes watching him and he looks up. The pair of eyes belonged to Arthur as he looks at with him adoringly, making him lightly blush on his face. "Are you feeling alright Alfred?" he gently strokes his flushed pink cheeks with his hands. "You're a bit warm, dear, let me take you to bed to rest." -Dear, he called me dear!- he thought as he felt his heart racing and he's knees gave out on him and stumbled down, lucky for him Arthur held him before he met the floor, "Woah, now easy, let me carry you to my bed room." –what? His bedroom?- before he could even compute to what was happening, Arthur lift him up bridal style, he blushed even harder, being picked up so easily by the slightly smaller man.

Arthur walks Alfred to his room, seeing no harm in sharing a bed since they are both more than just allies. He had arrived to his room and gently laid Alfred on his bed, who is still blushing from the whole situation. He leaves for a few minutes only to come back with some hot tea. "I know you don't like drinking tea but it will help you feel better." Alfred accepts the tea without argument and takes a small sip. Surprisingly it didn't taste as bad as he thought it would, it almost tasted like… "It's rose tea, I just recently bought it, I find it has a sweet taste and an intoxicating aroma." (2)

"Well you got that right. Its not bad." He gives small smile as he sets his tea on the nightstand and looks up at Arthur. "Iggy…" there eyes met. "Yes"? Alfred feels his heart skip a beat and his throat dry. "… What are we now? You know after we kissed. Are we boyfriends now"? his eyes blink all so innocently when he hears Arthur laughs. "Seriously? The kiss and the confessions weren't enough for you to figure it out"? He kisses him on the forehead and ruffles his golden sandy beach hair slightly. "Then I will do this officially." He lifts his hand as his offering. "Will you do me the honor of being my beloved boyfriend"? Alfred felt a smile forming on his face as he lifted his hand and intertwined his with Arthur's. "Yes, Iggy, I would love that every much." Arthur smiles and gives his new boyfriend a kiss. The kiss quickly heated up into a totally snog fest, Arthur and Alfred fought tirelessly for dominance but Arthur had won the battle and was rewarded with Alfred's moist mouth. He let his tongue explore every inch of Alfred's out, gaining a moan from the young nation, "mmhhh…" God did that turn him on. He felt himself getting hard just by Alfred's sweet moans. He started to undress Alfred while never letting go of his lips. He guided Alfred's hands to his shirt, encouraging him to do the same, and so he did, they stopped the kiss only to remove the vest Arthur was wearing and were back at it. He started unbuttoning his shirt, revealing his chest, It was so toned, and muscular, and it was all his. Arthur had take off his white tee-shirt after parting once again to remove it, also indulging in Alfred's upper body, despite all that fast food crap he always eats, his body his well toned and slender, and so touchable, he moved from his lips to his neck, sucking on it leaving hickey makes all over, to let everyone in the world that he was his. "Nnuuhh…! Iggy…!" Arthur groaned, his member was growing fast from the moans his boyfriend was giving him. He then lets his hands touch Alfred's now sensitive nipples and twisted it. "Iggy! Don't tease me!" his face all flushed, his nipples fully erected and also his pants were getting tighter.

Arthur then removed Alfred's pant but not before he looked down at Alfred. "Al, if it gets to far, I want you to tell me to stop and I'll stop ok." Alfred looked up at him with his sky blue eyes and shock his head. "You won't hurt me Iggy, I know you won't, its ok." He gives him his famous Hollywood smile. He presses his lips hard on Alfred's face and removes his pants revealing star spangled boxers that were tented up from his erection. His face turns bright red as Arthur stops to take a good look at his underwear. "Really now Alfred, star spangled boxers, well seeing that it's you it really shouldn't be a surprise." He smirks at him seeing Alfred's embarrassment. "sit up a little"

Alfred look confused. "Why?" Arthur just keeps smirking "You'll see" Alfred sits up as he sees Arthur lay down on the bed. "I want you to unzip my pants, with only your teeth." Alfred's face turned red and slowly bent down to the obvious bulge in his pants. He put the zipper between his teeth and started pulling it down slowly. Arthur groaned at the sight of Alfred being so close to his penis, he resisted the urge of shoving his penis into his mouth and let him suck on it. He then removed his pants and which revealed black boxers with a tented top due to the erection, Alfred eyes it cautiously wondering if he should take them off as well. He eyed Arthur for approval. He nods. He uses his hands to take off his boxers and was now confronted with his erect penis, and by the size of it, Alfred was in aw and shock and a little scared. –How is that going to fit inside of me? - He thought as Arthur gave him his pirate smirk. "I may be short but I have my advantages as well." He then went on to remove his star spangled boxers to reveal his erect penis, sure it was not as big as his but still, it was massive. He then got out of his bed to go to his drawer to get a bottle of lube and walked straight back to Alfred who raised an eyebrow when he saw the lube. "This will ease the pain and make this more enjoyable for the both of us." He opened the lube, a light scent of sweet vanilla reached his nostrils as he lightly squeezed it to get a decent amount of lube on his hand. "Spread your legs." And Alfred obeyed, spreading his legs out like a whore, thought he would never know it, his whole face screamed of innocence and purity. Arthur had then inserted on finger in his anal hole, making him twitch slightly and feeling uncomfortable of a foreign object entering his body. He then let his finger move around Alfred's hole earning him a melody of moans from his mouth. "Ahh… Iggy~!" he then inserted his second finger and started to slowly thrust it in and out of him while scissoring him at the same time to widen him out a little bit. Alfred felt himself want to thrust his fingers deeper into him, wanting him to faster. So he moved his hips downward as Arthur's two fingers when upward. Arthur caught on to what he wanted and increased the pace as well as to adding the third finger in. By then Alfred felt himself getting full but not completely, he then yelped as Arthur hit a sensitive spot. "Ahhh!" –Bingo- Arthur thought as he then let his fingers rub against in, making Alfred moan and scream "Iggy! Just do me already!" Arthur just chuckles at Alfred's impatience and gives him a rough kiss on the lips. "My, My, impatient are we"? he then removes his fingers from him, leaving Alfred at a lose. He then watched Arthur pour a good amount of lube on his penis, now he was starting to get nervous. –How is 'that' going to fit in there? I think I might die from the impact of it!- Arthur finished putting lube on his penis and looked to Alfred, who was not stiff as a surf board then it hit him. "Al, are you still a virgin"? Alfred face turned the red tomato's to shame and nodded. "My word, I didn't take you were that kind of person Al." he leaned over and nibbled his ear and whispers. "Did you save yourself for me this whole time"? Again Alfred only responded with a nod. Arthur chuckled as he brought his face back up to see Alfred's and lightly kisses his already swollen red tinted lips. "Then I will make sure your first time magical." He then positioned himself between his legs, spreading him as far as he could, he slowly enter his penis inside Alfred.

Alfred twitched slightly due to the pain of his penis entering him, he felt tears falling from his eyes from the pain, he felt he was splitting into two. Arthur kisses his tears away. "Relax love, it will hurt more if you don't relax." And with that he loosed himself up a little as Arthur pushed himself within him. "Blimy you're so tight." He was swallowed in slowly by with warmth and tightness making him groan until he was completely inside him. Alfred felt full and weird as he adjusted himself to his penis inside him. It felt like a (very) big warm, throbbing thick stick inside of him, and he loved it. "You ready for me to move"? He asked with a hint of concern in his voice. Alfred nods. "Y-yes Iggy, make me yours." He then starts to move, thrusting slowly in and out of Alfred's hole. He let's out a whimper of pain mixed with unknown pleasure as Arthur slowly speeds his pace. "Iggy~! Go harder!" and so he did, he thrusts deeper into his being, the tightness and warmness of his whole was making him mad, he thrusts faster as Alfred thrusts his hips to match his gaining moans and the most sexiest sex sounds Arthur has ever heard. "Iggy! Ahhh! Iggy!" he felt a warm burning feeling in he stomach, he was getting close. Arthur then thrusts into the sensitive spot making Alfred screams. "AHHH! IGGY!" he then thrusts that the same spot getting more yells and moans of his name repeated over and over again. "I-Iggy! I'm going to c-cum!"

"lets cum together Al." he pulls his last thrust inside of him hitting his sensitive spot earning another scream from Alfred as they both climaxed. Alfred felt the hot gush of Arthur's semen filling him up inside him, giving him a slight shiver. Arthur felt Alfred's warm semen spill out on his stomach and his as well. Both completely out of breath as they both laid on the bed together, in the now not so white clean sheets. Alfred scooted over to cuddle with Arthur looking into each other eyes once more. "That."

"Was."

"Amazing." They both looked at each other and laughed softly at each other for completing each others sentences. "I love you, you old man." He grinned at Arthur.

"And I love you, you stupid git." He smirked at Alfred as their fingers intertwine to become on and drifted off into blissful sleep.

**X**

**Zozo: Yah! I have officially done an actual sex scene! *happy dances* I know it is not the best but come on, it is my first time writing sex XD I have realized while I was typing on that I made England and America a bit OOC, I'm so sorry about that, I tried so hard to keep them in character but when you have watch Hetalia more than 10 times and read Hetalia fan fiction, it kind of plays with your head a little bit XD it has become an unhealthy obsession (just like yaoi and anime XD) for me XD **

**(1): This actually happened one time at school, when my friend arrived late to school and I was waiting for her for an hour, when she got out of class I hit her head with an Aoi House manga, that I was reading at the time for being late . XD**

**(2): My aunt had this unopened box of rose tea that she had gotten as a present, I had it and it was pretty good without sugar (and I LOVE sugar) and it did smell like roses, it is among one of my favorite teas. **

**Chi: *reads my finished fan fiction* I've read better load than this crap.**

**Zozo: Why do you have to be so mean! D': It's my first sex fan fic, take it easy on me ;_;**

**Chi: *Now feels guilty* Don't… Don't cry Hime *hugs me awkwardly* I'm… sorry.**

**Zozo: I forgive you! *glomps Chi* **

**Chi: Get off me you baka! **

**Zozo: *ignores her* anyway I was hoping to have posted this yesterday (Monday) but I had to sleep early because I had to drive my brother to school -_- back to the fan fic, when I first started typing this I did not originally want it to be about America trying to kill himself, thought I did wanted for both America and England to confess to each other and have sex (cuze I know how you all love the sex XD) it was something that suddenly appeared in my computer and I could not stop typing afterwards. **

**Chi: I have to say, this is the longest you have ever typed for fun, ever!**

**Zozo: I know right? XD Well just goes to show if I am motivated enough, I can create something awesome :D XD**

**Chi: Tch, lazy**

**Zozo: But you lovez me~ *snuggles***

**Chi: Oi! No snuggies! **

**Zozo: I would love it if you all would review this and tell me what you think, I would appreciate improvements and corrections to my grammar as well, I have good grammar but even the best writers make flaws it would really help a lot, and also I am not looking for a beta right now, I might need one in future someday, but for now no beta.**

**Chi and Zozo: Read and Review~! **


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